Today for the first time during this grieving process we were actually told to get over it. The comment came from someone who proved my point completely. That some people will just never get it. The person involved and our family have never had a close relationship. Never the less, their insensitive comment has affected us in numerous ways.
Firstly it provoked annoyance. How can someone send a message like this about someone we adored? Someone we knew completely and accepted for who he was. Unlike so many other people he encountered. How can someone believe they have a right to send out such a comment to a family still in mourning? A reminder that the world has moved on and he has ceased to exist. Asking us to put his memory aside and forget him.
Next came anger. How can someone get it so wrong? How can they comment on someone they really had nothing to do with? They then assumed information that was utterly wrong and made an off handed comment based on that miss information. Everyone is entitled to an opion, sometimes your just better off keeping that opion to yourself.
Followed by the anger, (which will burn within me for a few days) was pain. To just blantly tell us to move on, only reminded me how alone and misunderstood he was. He hated it. Being alone contributed to his depression. The last time I spoke to him he was looking for someone to love him and see him for who he was. He felt completely alone. He never wanted to feel this way. In reality he never was, but he couldn’t shake this feeling. It only added to his pain. I’m pretty sure this is one of the thoughts he took with him that day. This is the thought that breaks me, everytime it creaps it’s way into my mind.
As this comment goes around and around my head for the next few days. While I struggle to ‘get over it.’ As I spend the next few days trying to remember how far along the journey we’ve come. So a stupid comment doesn’t break me. One thought will scream louder than any. I will not give it a rest. I will never get over losing Kyle. The gapping whole will not close. His pain has become a part of my life and will stay there. It is infact because of this comment and people like this that it is so important that the conversation keeps going.
Yes we know he died. We don’t need to be reminded of this. The thing to remember is, he died. We didn’t. We are left behind to struggle through. To mourn. To scream. To cry. To laugh. To talk about it as loud and for as long as we choose to. To get by anyway we can. To keep him alive within us and to keep his memory going. We don’t want him to be forgotten. He shouldn’t be. If someone else chooses to forget him, that is their right. We however choose to keep him in our thoughts. Where he was everyday for over 24 years, and where he will continue to remain.
Keep the conversation going;